A Graf Family Christmas

Back Row: Leonard Graf, young Leonard Graf, John Graf, Verna Graf Falk, Burton Falk, Raymond Smith

Front Row: Martha Bonin Graf, Peter Smith, Martha Graf Smith, Sarah Falk, Martha Ann Smith, John Graf

Merry Christmas from the Graf family. Three generations of the family are gathered here in about 1939 to celebrate Christmas. I love how Grandma Graf is holding her little grandson Pete on her lap warmly, and how his cousin, little Sarah, is keeping a close eye on him. I don't know a lot about most of the people in this photo, but I'll tell you what I know.

The matriarch and patriarch of the family, Martha and John Graf, were the immigrant ancestors. They came from different areas of Germany. Martha came from Schleswig-Holstein in the north and John came from Wurttemberg, a southern province of Germany. My Grandma, their daughter Verna, used to say that John would always tease his wife because of her northern accent.

John and Martha married in Turner (West Chicago) Illinois in 1895. John was a harness maker and Martha a home maker. They had five children: Leonard, Marguerite, Irma, Verna, and Martha. Irma died in early childhood. Marguerite moved to Vermont and married Franklin W. Doe. The rest of the family is pictured here.

 


Martha passed away in the Elgin (Illinois) State Mental Hospital in 1958. She probably had Alzheimer’s or some sort of undiagnosed dementia. John died in 1950, recognized as a master gardener.

 

Their oldest son Leonard died in 1986. His wife was named Edith but is not pictured here; I wonder if she was behind the camera? Leonard's oldest son, also named Leonard and consistently called "Young Leonard" by my grandma, was, I think, an engineer or chemist who contributed to the war effort in World War II.  Leonard and Edith's second son Johnny flew a reconnaissance plane in World War II in the Pacific Campaign. He was shot down over the Pacific Ocean in 1945 and his body never recovered.

 

Verna, my grandmother, married Burton Falk and lived in Berwyn and Aurora, Illinois with their only daughter, my mom, Sarah. Burton died in 1965 of emphysema and Verna died in 1988.

Martha, dear sister to Verna, married Ray Smith and had two children, Martha Ann and Pete. Martha died from cancer in 1943. I know very little about her husband Ray or Martha Ann and Pete. They may or may not still be alive.

Genealogy is the compilation of names and dates in a family tree. Family history is the context and stories of those people. I haven’t done much research on my mom’s side of the family and we never connected with them in a meaningful way so I really only know the basic facts about them. Nevertheless, they are family. The lived and died; loved, laughed and cried. They celebrated Christmas together, just like I do today with my family. The world is made up of families like this, living and loving together through the bad and good. Whatever our future holds, may we, like them, keep each other close in love, both during the Christmas season and the whole year though.

Finding Baby Irma

 As far back as I can remember, this photograph of my Grandma Falk (Verna Graf Falk, my mother's mother) and her mother (Martha Bonin Graf) sat on a table in Grandma's living room in an oval frame. I was intrigued by the shape of the frame as well as the sweet photograph it contained, demonstrating the obvious tender feelings between my grandmother and her mother.

Recently a distant cousin on my mom's side sent me a copy of the photo, along with another photo (shown above) that I had never seen before, showing a baby girl in a fancy lacy dress. My cousin originally sent me a digital copy of both photos and we speculated about whether or not both little girls were my grandma. We thought that probably they were.

But when I received the photo, Martha's pin caught my eye and I looked a little closer at it. The pin contained a photo inside, and as I examined it with a magnifying glass I could hardly believe what I saw: the photograph on the pin was the same photo that my cousin had sent me. 

I believe that the little girl in the picture and on the pin is Irma, Martha and John Graf's second daughter and third child. Irma was born in West Chicago, Illinois on 1 May 1901. Sadly, little Irma died of pneumonia on 15 January, 1903 at 4 o'clock in the morning. Irma is buried in Oakwood Cemetery in West Chicago with a headstone that reads, "Our darling Irma." I can understand that a mother who had lost her 18-month-old daughter would wear a pin with the baby's photo on it. Perhaps it eased Martha's grief or was part of a mourning process for her.

My Grandma, Verna, was born less than a year after Irma's death, on Christmas Eve, 1903. I would expect that her parents would have been thrilled with another daughter after their sad loss. But I remember my mom telling me that Grandma always felt like she was a replacement for the little girl who died. I would hate to think that this is true. But what might a little girl think when she saw her mother wearing a pin containing the image of her sister who had died before she was born? 

I never gave much thought to the sister Grandma never knew, although after I visited Oakwood Cemetery and saw her grave I wondered about her short life. Now I have a face to put with "darling Irma." And while I will never know why Grandma felt diminished in her mother's eyes, I'll bet that if Irma had lived, she and Verna would have been great pals.